It might just be this fall music mix I'm making but something is stirred in me or shaken...on the rocks? Not sure. It's not bad. It's lovely actually. Just a strong current that pulls my tide in and out like crazy.
Most of it was seeing my 20 year old nephew off this weekend. Remembering feeding him from a bottle. How one day he said "Crescent...you know who made that tree? Cog." How he used to hide under pillows when Lorelei and I would baby sit him and would shout "SOMEBODY!!! ANYBODY!!!!" until we came to find him. All of us laughing hysterically. How one day he asked me why I called him Pumpkin all the time. I told him because that was the only type of pie I really really loved. He replied "oh. Well then I'm going to call you Peaches."
As he headed into adolescence I saw that he loved music the same way I did and had growing up. It made me so happy. We would talk about the coolest bands...the best songs. Take turns exchanging cds. Talk about how when he turned 21 we'd go to lots of concerts, and we will.
Then he went to college. My college. Flourished. So smart. So fun. Great kid.
He leaves Wednesday for London for four months. I really only see him once a month but still. I will miss him so much. He applied for and received an internship with Parliament. Not the funk band. The government body. Holy crap, right? To say we are all proud of him would be so inadequate a statement that I will just skip trying to find a suitable alternative.
I took the bus to Madison for his going away party. He picked me up at the bus stop and we talked about the trip. We drove with the windows open and the music playing. Feeling more like a friend than an Aunt. When did he learn to drive by the way? Oh yeah years ago.
I took the same semester abroad in 1997 (hold on....gotta take my fiber and soak my teeth). I didn't have an internship...unless I got some credits for pint drinking...can't remember.
Anyway, the party was great. I listened to him talk to family about what he'd be doing. About what he thinks. About what he feels. His current thoughts on "Cog". We watched two movies together that we loved. Talked film. Talked life. It just moved me.
It's no secret I want children. It's no secret that very well may not happen. It may be a secret that I'm actually really coming to healthy terms with that. The thing is looking backward and forward on his life I have had and will get the distinct pleasure of knowing him well at each stage. It is a balm on that ache like no other. To share the pride, the worry the love and the joy of his 20 years on this planet has been a gift for not just me but our whole family.
I can't wait him to take the next stage. I'll be there.
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Our new little boys! Jeffrey Chambertain and Robert Seeger. They are wonderful little squishy, fluffy maniacs! I could stare into their tiny eyes all day and never get tired of it.
They definitely have the spirit of their forefelines, Caliban and Trinculo.
Although I'm worried I'm going to be that "friend" mom that lets them try sips of beer as long as they aren't driving. They are monsters sometimes and I just can't bring myself to tsk tsk them. They can run across my face and jump onto a lampshade and I'll try being stern but then they look at me with those teeny tinys and I am a puddle of ineffective parenting.
And I am loving every minute of it.