Falling off the wagon!!!

"You don't *erp* know me......*hiccup*"

At this rate he'll NEVER get that one month sobriety chip.

Mr. Potato Fridge.

Jason came home after a wine tasting "meeting" and crashed out spooned up against my back almost instantly. Then out of nowhere he says "Crescent. Mr. Potato Fridge. This. Arm." and gently pats my left arm. He repeated the whole thing about 7 more times in the exact same way then started laughing and made up a song to go along with it. So it basically went from weird sleep talking to sleep laughing to half awake weird song singing.

Then when I got up he said "Be careful...Calaban might still be...you know....having some show business." He meant cat nip (a wine tasting friend gave us a bunch from his yard) but couldn't think of the word in his half sleep. So he said show business. I also should add that there was half eaten wet and dry show business covering the living room floor when I got up and Calaban looked like Keith Richards after a bender lying on the sofa.

THEN this morning I came into the room to get my shoes and the wind blew the door shut and he jumped up like a bomb had gone off and then said in his sort of sleep talking voice "Not cool.....not cool at all." Then lauged quietly to himself.

Oh the adventures of Nightime/Early morning Jason.

Step by step

Scheduled for October 1st. Before my birthday so that's good. Here's hoping it's nothing! And thanks to everyone for your sweet comments. I have such great humans in my life. And a good for nothing cat, but I still love him too.

A Bit of a Downer.

So things you don't want to hear from a doctor:

"that's 40 lbs more than your last visit"


"you're 35? You better have a baby this second."


"we found a very suspicious mass. you have to have a biopsy right away."


The last two I've heard in the past 6 months. The last one yesterday. I am hoping that it will end up being nothing but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to death. I debated writing about it because I am not looking for sympathy or trying to worry anyone. But I keep thinking that if I write about it hopefully it will all be okay and I can go back and read this and enjoy the flood of relief. OR if it's not such a good outcome this will be a place I can process it all.



and MOSTLY I originally started this blog to find the good in the bad. So let's do that now.



The Brighter Side of a bad ultrasound and boob smashing:

1. My friends. Holy crap my friends. Megan taking the day off to go with me and then taking me out for lunch and drinks and letting me cry sporadically and make horrible dark jokes all day. I don't know what I would've done if I had gone on my own as I originally intended and insisted.



2. More friends. I ended up having such a fun time last night just hanging out with my neighbors and Morgan and Megan in the yard. It kept me distracted and reminded me how lucky I am. Other friends emailing and offering time and distraction.



3. Family. My family is just so good at this stuff. All falling into the roles I need them too. Dad being a total sympathizer and making me feel completely at ease with being a little freaked out and crying. Mom explaining her similar experience and telling me to pretend to be hysterical so they give me more Valium and also letting me bawl my head off. Kendra saying that her gut says it's nothing and that since she is still looking for a job she could just come and take care of me if it IS something. Jacy telling me a bunch of stories of friends that made it through the worst and that she'd be here in 2 hours if need be. Jason staying totally calm and listening intently while I vacillated between being "fine" and "flipping out".



4. I can't really eat because I'm nervous so I've dropped a few more pounds! Yay!



5. Experience! Lessons! Whatever happens I never ever want to be lying on a table hearing those words again so I'm about to take my health way more seriously. Not that I did anything to cause this particular issue but still. Wake up calls and all that.

So not so bad. I'm being way more dramatic about it than I need to be but it just startled me, as Jason would say. I feel very startled. But loved. And optimistic that it will be okay no matter what.

In other news.....

Calaban can't even be bothered to fold laundry. *shaking head in disgust*

Ladies and gentlemen....I implore you....

not really. I have just had that saying in my head all day. Sorry for the neglect blog. Matt's the only person who really reads it every day anyway and he's in gay Pareee (apt! j/k).



sigh.



um...my bangs and eyebrows are growing back after the visit to the sweeney todd beauty salon a few weeks ago. that's about it.


Oh! Calaban has finally had to accept a few babysitting jobs. He sucks at it. And he's let our apartment go to hell. And I'm pretty sure he had been drinking.