Friday, January 20, 2012

You Don't Know From Cold!

Walking home last night I thought "I need a hat!" I left mine at a friends and it was freezing. As I was continuing my hat having day dreams I noticed my street is currently a MadMax looking construction zone. The roads were all wet and there were giant drill trucks and stuff (not sure what they are called so drill trucks it is!). Then there was this giant hose that ran at least a full block down the middle of the street. However the sidewalks were open and I have a strange interest in construction. I could watch it all day. So I kept on the path even though it was starting to look sort of dangerous.

Let's just cut to the chase here. The hose broke RIGHT as I passed it. I heard a "sssss" sound then a "clink!!!" and the braket holding it together flew off! I was being sprayed by a fire hose basically. Drenched. I started saying "Good Lord! Good Lord!" then "jeeze louise!!!" then "shit! SHIT!" but I couldn't run because the ground was instantly the most slippery surface of the planet at that moment. So I had to sort of just shuffle out of the line of the spray.

My hair was dripping wet for about two seconds then it was all ice. ALL ICE! You think this is hyperbole? You are incorrect. If anything it's hyPObole. My coat turned into a rock hard armor of feezing coldness. Eyelashes? Icelashes. Boots? ice covered scoots.

I'm not sure I've ever been that cold before. I got home and told my cat all about it. He was shocked and concerned. Once we realized it was for SURE not any kind of sewage we both felt better.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Night Terror

I realize this blog seems to have evolved into Jason's Nocturnal Transgressions but I have one more funny one.

The past two nights (and a couple times in the past year) when I get up for my 3 am pee break and come back into the room he jumps and gasps like I'm some 9 foot murder monster coming to get him. Then when he realizes it's just his normal ol' wife he makes mad sounds like I did it on purpose. Every time I have to say "Jason! Jason! It's just me!" Then he says something like "man" or "jeeze Crescent". Like I was lumbering in with a human skin mask carrying a mallet or something when in reality I'm tiptoeing into the room in my Sterling Sharpe jersey, pigtails and sweatpants. Yipes...when I put it that way I guess it is a little scary.

Friday, January 06, 2012

quick thoughts

I have come up with the perfect way to sum up being in your early 20's as a woman.

Every single girl with brown eyes thinks Brown Eyed Girl is being played for her only. I did. Although for me it probably was because, well...let's face it.

Anyway, I'm working on a way to sum up the 30's but have to fine tune.

So far all I can come up with is "in your 30's you'd rather have someone make you noodles or make you laugh hard instead of play a song that's actually not even really about you."

Like I said. Needs fine tuning. Plus that's not even true. Just the other day I begged Jason to listen to a Wilco song some day when I wasn't around and think about me being awesome while he did so. Sort of takes the romance out of it when I DEMAND he feel things for me but whatever. He takes it like a champ. or CHUMP! AmIright??? kidding kidding. Thank you Chicago.

Also, Jason was sleep walking again this a.m. and started trying to put the comforter on over his head like a sweatshirt. As the covers started slowly pulling away from me I tried to wake him up saying "Jason! What are you doing!" he just stood there with the duvet over his head not moving then finally said "I have heartburn" and walked out of the room and came back two minutes later smelling of red licorice. I'm no Nancy Drew but crunching the numbers I'm lead to believe he didn't take any Tums but just stood in our dining room eating Twizzlers then came back to bed.