You Don't Know From Cold!

Walking home last night I thought "I need a hat!" I left mine at a friends and it was freezing. As I was continuing my hat having day dreams I noticed my street is currently a MadMax looking construction zone. The roads were all wet and there were giant drill trucks and stuff (not sure what they are called so drill trucks it is!). Then there was this giant hose that ran at least a full block down the middle of the street. However the sidewalks were open and I have a strange interest in construction. I could watch it all day. So I kept on the path even though it was starting to look sort of dangerous.

Let's just cut to the chase here. The hose broke RIGHT as I passed it. I heard a "sssss" sound then a "clink!!!" and the braket holding it together flew off! I was being sprayed by a fire hose basically. Drenched. I started saying "Good Lord! Good Lord!" then "jeeze louise!!!" then "shit! SHIT!" but I couldn't run because the ground was instantly the most slippery surface of the planet at that moment. So I had to sort of just shuffle out of the line of the spray.

My hair was dripping wet for about two seconds then it was all ice. ALL ICE! You think this is hyperbole? You are incorrect. If anything it's hyPObole. My coat turned into a rock hard armor of feezing coldness. Eyelashes? Icelashes. Boots? ice covered scoots.

I'm not sure I've ever been that cold before. I got home and told my cat all about it. He was shocked and concerned. Once we realized it was for SURE not any kind of sewage we both felt better.

Love,
Crescent

Night Terror

I realize this blog seems to have evolved into Jason's Nocturnal Transgressions but I have one more funny one.

The past two nights (and a couple times in the past year) when I get up for my 3 am pee break and come back into the room he jumps and gasps like I'm some 9 foot murder monster coming to get him. Then when he realizes it's just his normal ol' wife he makes mad sounds like I did it on purpose. Every time I have to say "Jason! Jason! It's just me!" Then he says something like "man" or "jeeze Crescent". Like I was lumbering in with a human skin mask carrying a mallet or something when in reality I'm tiptoeing into the room in my Sterling Sharpe jersey, pigtails and sweatpants. Yipes...when I put it that way I guess it is a little scary.

quick thoughts

I have come up with the perfect way to sum up being in your early 20's as a woman.

Every single girl with brown eyes thinks Brown Eyed Girl is being played for her only. I did. Although for me it probably was because, well...let's face it.

Anyway, I'm working on a way to sum up the 30's but have to fine tune.

So far all I can come up with is "in your 30's you'd rather have someone make you noodles or make you laugh hard instead of play a song that's actually not even really about you."

Like I said. Needs fine tuning. Plus that's not even true. Just the other day I begged Jason to listen to a Wilco song some day when I wasn't around and think about me being awesome while he did so. Sort of takes the romance out of it when I DEMAND he feel things for me but whatever. He takes it like a champ. or CHUMP! AmIright??? kidding kidding. Thank you Chicago.

Also, Jason was sleep walking again this a.m. and started trying to put the comforter on over his head like a sweatshirt. As the covers started slowly pulling away from me I tried to wake him up saying "Jason! What are you doing!" he just stood there with the duvet over his head not moving then finally said "I have heartburn" and walked out of the room and came back two minutes later smelling of red licorice. I'm no Nancy Drew but crunching the numbers I'm lead to believe he didn't take any Tums but just stood in our dining room eating Twizzlers then came back to bed.

Love,
Crescent

Donut Shame

I am doing pretty well with the weight loss thing. It's slow going but it's going. I can tell I look healthier already. Although right now I'm a giant embarrassed splotchy red mess because I just mortified myself.

Wednesday is donut/bagel day at work. I have to get them at Dunkin Donuts and set them up. I really REALLY love donuts. I haven't had a donut in three weeks. OR a bagel. This has not been easy for me.

Today I was early to work with the donuts and bagels and took extra care setting them all up in the kitchen. I made them look extra delicious. BUT I stayed strong and walked back to my desk and ate my boiled egg and yogurt. (just typing that made me frown and pout....stupid egg. dumb yogurt. rassafrassa....)

I got stressy with work and found myself lifted up from my chair and walking, nay, floating towards the kitchen. Pulled by a force stronger than I. I think I blacked out a little because all of a sudden I was standing there....in the kitchen....just staring at the donuts. Staring. I thought "I'll be that moron that cuts it in half and just has partial satisfaction." "I'll shove the whole thing in my mouth really fast and it will be like it never happened!" "I'll bring it to my desk, wrap it in a warm, soft Kleenex and just put it in my drawer and name it Gertie so that I grow attached and can't bring myself to eat her."

So however long it took you to just read that is the amount of time I was standing there....staring at donuts. If I were a size 4 this might be a cute thing. "look at that sweet petite lady wanting sugary pink breakfast sweets..awww" but when you are 30 lbs overweight and your brow is furrowed it's just sort of hard to watch, I would imagine. Like a jailhouse documentary or Precious.

Thinking I was alone with my donut thoughts. I finally found my willpower and slowly turned to walk away, shaking my head "no no...no donut" as I did so only to find three co-workers at the sink watching the whole, sad, ordeal. I could've just walked away but no I muttered "heh heh...thought I wanted one...trying to...not."

Victory?

A Pound Of Flesh

I'm down a pound. Don't worry. I won't update every time I lose a pound. Probably.

This is what the internets told me a pound of fat looks like:



Blergh-o-rama. Maybe that's what OTHER people's fat looks like but mine is more like this:



That's right. I'm made of kitties. Just ask Twinkles...that's my elbow.

What? What happened? Did I make a super weird joke about elbow cats and then faint? I thought so. Better have some rice cakes.

What is UP?

Fat. Fat is up. I am tired of the ill fitting pants and the shirts that ride up. I have taken action. Lipo!! Kidding,kidding. You all know how I feel about unnecessary surgery.

I AM however embarking on this whole "change of habits" journey I hear tell about. I'm using a really great app called Lose It! (the exclamation point makes me feel like they are yelling at me but that's good....it's like the ARMY). It's basically Weight Watchers but free and a little more aggro. AGGRO!!!! Plus it includes a good deal of exercise. A word I have trouble spelling and thing I don't usually do.

I'm slated to be down to my wedding weight by March 2012. I liked that weight. It wasn't my thinnest but I looked nice and curvy without the squish. I loathe the squish. I poke it sometimes just to stay on target. Poke poke...I'm doing it now. Right in my belly. So gross.

The bottom line is this: I like myself. I think I look great. I'm glad to be alive. Jason likes me and thinks I'm pretty. I don't have big hang ups about food I just love it is all. As J says "I don't eat because I'm stressed or sad...I eat because it's delicious." Amen little one, amen. Jason, by the way, has lost 20 lbs. so this helps in my motivation. Envy is one of my true motivators, for better or for worse.

Mostly I just am ready to be healthy. It's time. January will be a year of not being on cancer treatments (except Tamoxifen of course but that's no big whoop). Life is moving on. Jason is embarking on his dream of opening a restaurant. I am ready to look and feel my best.

So that's that. Just wanted to put it out here to keep myself accountable. Because BOY would my face be red if in 5 months I came back here and was like "um...so my new thing is being extra EXTRA fat. I wash myself with a stick."

Wish me luck and here's to less squish!!!

Sunday Morning at The Prah's.

Sunday. 7 am. I am in a deep deep sleep, for once.

Jason: Crescent. Crescent. Crescent. Crescent.
Crescent: Dude! What?? What's wrong??? I was crashed out!
Jason: I had a dream that Cee Lo came into the restaurant and had his whole crew with him.
Crescent: ....
Jason: OH and he had some dogs and got to play with them.
Crescent: That's great, hon.
Jason: Yeah. It really was. Those dogs were so cute!
Crescent: Awesome.
Crescent: I had a dream that I was running from some spies trying to do undercover work for my boss and I got shot in the butt with a tranq dart.
Jason: Whoa.
Crescent: Yeah.
Crescent: Hey you haven't said anything about my pumpkin I carved.
Jason: I know.
Crescent: Don't you like it?
Jason:.......
Crescent: Mention it!
Jason: it's the white elephant in the room, isn't it.
Crescent: you mean purple.
Jason: it's the 30 pound gorilla in the room.
(we both bust out laughing because he is picturing a tiny gorilla and I'm picturing a very tall skinny ill gorilla)

(silence)

Jason: I think it's funny you got shot with a tranquilizer dart in your butt.
Crescent: It was awful. While you were busy dreaming of puppies and Cee Lo I was taking darts for America.
Jason: (in low voice) You've got a f*&%^in dart in your neck.
Crescent: (in low voice) What? You're crazy. I like you but...you're...you're crazy.

then we just kept quoting Old School until we fell back to sleep.