Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Tough news day for me and J and our families. Can't get into details really yet but my Godmother mentioned this poem in an email today so I looked it up. It took most of my murky/sad/angry feelings and made them make a little more sense and reminded me of what got me through my bad year and what I need to give to help those around me now get through theirs.


Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

Naomi Shihab Nye

Friday, February 04, 2011

Are We Sweaty for This?

Word of caution to any fellow breast cancer survivors out there on the delightful little estrogen blocker drug known as Tamoxifin, or Tammy for short. She seems harmless but she'll getcha. Don't think you can causally skip a dose just because there is a blizzard in your city that cancels your work therefore making you forget things due to sheer glee.

Here is a list of side effects that will occur if you do this:
1. You will experience bouts of murdery feelings that cause you to, literally, say "grrrrrrr" a lot.

2. The aforementioned murdery feelings may also lead to extreme foul language whispered under your breath and inopportune times.

3. Your eyes will get puffy for some unknown medical/science type reason causing everyone to ask you "what's wrong?" or "have you been sobbing?" You will answer "NO!" in a murdery voice and proceed to try NOT to murder them. This will not be easy.

4. When you are finally able to rest your weary murder head down on the pillow you will be bombarded with bi-hourly hot flashes that will drench you in sweat then cause you to freeze to death because your husband can't sleep without a fan on. This will repeat all night long.

5. Noodles will become a monkey on your back.

Please follow your doctors orders (I typed "odors" the first time..hahahah....MOOD SWING!) and take this medicine as directed....every the same time......for five.....years. God help us all.

*SIDENOTE ADDED LATER: I can't blame Jason for the fan. I love it too. There. I did the right thing and was honest. I think we've all learned some valuable lessons here today that we won't soon forget.