Monday, February 20, 2012


I feel basically 100% better. I think I just had a little funk/hormone hitch in my giddy up. Turns out a weekend in Michigan with some wonderful girlfriends and a Friday with lots of attention from Jason was all I needed. Phew. Glad my heart remains fairly simple to lift.

BUT I did learn some valuable lessons from my last, Charlie Brown-esqe post. Just do the stuff you mean to do. Simple. So today I quit drinking soda of any kind. I have gotten into a terrible Diet Coke habit and it's just such a dumb thing to drink. So it's out. I'm starting my walking again today since it's so pretty out. I might even....gulp....join that gym.

Also, I'm in a band. A band that I started with Anne. It's going to be super fun for all. I can't WAIT until I can announce our first gig. You will all come and dance your faces off.

And really all that matters right now is that in 14 days I will be in Mexico on a beach reading books and happy sighing a lot.

In conclusion, I was again reminded the past two weeks that my greatest victory in life remains the people I get to love and who love me back. They all make me laugh until I cry and also cry with me at Gannon's, if need be. (winking at M and T and J).

So life is super groovy and I'm glad I have one.

Love and kitten paws,

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Times.

I have no real idea why but I have been a teary eyed mess the past couple of weeks. Okay I lied. I have some ideas. I think some of it is my medicine that blocks my hormones and then making pretend hormones to try and trick my body. My body is not easily fooled and doesn't like these wannabe estrogen impostors.

Also, mid February. Am I right? Good lord. It's just a bleak, gray, cold time out there.

Also, babies. Always with the babies. It's a real thing with me. It's also hard to watch Jason want them too. Makes me sadder than a one legged puppy at a puppy race.

Plus I'm feeling the slight panic of getting older for some reason. Probably because I am getting older but it never bothered me before.

The other night I had whatever show we were watching paused while Jason did something (let's face it. he was getting licorice. he has a problem.) It was totally silent and I just sat there listening to the tick of our disco Jesus clock. I started getting hyper aware of what each of those ticks meant. I felt like if I took a deep enough breath I could pull it backwards. When I realized I couldn't and what that meant for all of us I felt like jumping out of my skin and going back to live in that tree I used to dream about during chemo. Imagine Jason's surprise to return from a licorice break and finding just my skin lounging in the easy chair! Horrifying! Anway, then I calmed myself down but trying to pretend (much like poser estrogen) that I wasn't upset...that I was actually excited because each tick brought me closer to Friday! I do love Fridays. More than most.

Again, hormones probably.

I have so much that I'm happy about but also so much I want to do and I just feel like every time I make a decision to get going on all these dreams and wants I get stuck again. Next thing I know another year has passed.

I am writing about it in the hopes it unsticks me, I guess.

In other news I'm going to dinner with my best friend's husband for Valentine's Day. ESCANDALO! We are going to Acadia so that I can at least get a glimpse of my adorable, but very busy, husband. Oh and the food. REALLY looking forward to the food. So tonight will cheer me up I bet.

I acutally feel better already. Getting it out is good. Thanks blog. I loves ya.