Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Things That Made Me Feel Better Last Night

I'm not feeling quiet so "on the ledge" as I was yesterday thanks to some small happy things. BULLETS!!!!!

  • Worked out and finished my book

  • Sitting outside while Jason grilled chicken and veggies

  • Made amends with a neighbor we pissed off months ago by "SHOUTing".

  • Pet a dog.

  • Both cats were snuggly.

  • Harvy Pekar was on No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain

  • Jason sang a great song while he cooked that contained the lyric "Ohhhhh Aunt Jamima...I don't think you know me anymewwwr." He meant Mrs. Butterworth I think because he sang this as he added syrup to the beans, which was a delicious touch.

  • I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life but at least I decided to do something. I hear that's the first step or whatever.

  • Also it's been over two weeks since I've engaged in my worst social habit so I know I can do stuff. That's heartening.

  • I've narrowed my career path down to: Detective, Advice Columnist, Date Planner, Set Dresser/Art Director of Photo Shoots Like Jay from ANTM but with Less Make-Up and More Normal EyeBrows, Professional Back Patter, Housecat, Plus Sized Model, Blooper Reviewer orrrr Body Language Interpreter.

Here is a sample of my Art Direction. Matt K. was the chef and my assistant.

I call it......Salsa De La Mango or Cucumber Envy

Side Note: That jalapeno got on Jason's hands and then on his face and then on his contacts so he almost burned out his eyes. He had to get all new contacts. Fact.

Monday, August 27, 2007

My Weekend Was In and Out of the Toliet...Much Like My Ipod

  • Friday night = fun, chill night at Fred's eating pizza rolls and drinking wine
  • Later Friday night = me getting up in the night to pee and forgetting my ipod was still on my person. As I lifted the lid on the toilet my ipod and headphones splashed into the toilet. I have no idea how they stayed on my body and in my ears (respectively) until that PRECISE moment though. My only guess is that somehow the ipod adhered to my chest or something.....that is a gross guess but the best I can do.
  • Saturday morning = making sure my ipod still works. It does. Then relaxing.
  • Saturday afternoon = get a call that my dad has been in a really bad car accident but is relatively okay. I had a minor panic attack and then bawled. He was in the ER for 5 hours and luckily, besides being very cut up and bruised he was given a clean bill of health. Thank GOD! So scary. If he'd been hit on the drivers side it would have been my worst nightmare. Literally. I talked to him yesterday and besides being shaken up and without a car he is okay. I shook like a leaf the entire conversation for some reason. Then cried again when I hung up.
  • Saturday night = waited for the "everything is okay call" from home once my dad was out of the ER. Went to a dance recital and spent the whole time wondering who the hell I am and what I'm doing with my life. Not in a depressed way, just really starting to wonder and panic a little.
  • Saturday night after the recital = Have a lovely walk to Eno (wine bar Jason used to manage) with Jason and our friend from NYC and his boyfriend. It was cool and Michigan Ave was hopping the conversation was light and tasty. It really helped clear my head a little. GET to Eno and there is an ambulance. They are taking someone out of Eno and it's a girl that works there that Jason is friends with. She is okay but seeing her crying in pain being carried out as we came in was upsetting to say the least. Once we all calmed down we had a really nice time and ate some fantastic cheese.
  • Saturday night after Eno = Our friend's Mom and her friends walked home (they are from here obvs) and Jason and I drove the same friend's 90 year old grandma home. She doesn't speak a lick of English but she was the highlight of my weekend. She's 90 and out with her son and his boyfriend having some wine and cheese and laughing and talking up a storm. She fell in love with Jason because apparently he looks just like her nephew, Max. I helped her out of the car when we dropped her off and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and hug in true Grandma style. I think I really needed it and maybe somehow she knew that or something. Or maybe she is just kissy, which is great too.
  • Sunday = Spent the morning with Jason relaxing. Jason leaves for a lunch I just wasn't up for. I walk to Fred's. Jason meets us there later. We watch tons of Flight of the Conchords. Get ready to leave. Plan to grab dinner on our way home. Realize we are too broke. Fred insists on us staying and we pull together a last minute grill out just the three of us. It reminded me so much of our college days. I needed that too. So thanks to Fred for feeding us at the last minute.
  • Pessimistic Conclusion = I'm feeling really lost these days and not saying it much because feeling that way seems like a waste of energy. I'm trying to put it all together and form a solution but keep getting stuck in my head. Do I want to perform? I think I miss it but not sure. Do I want to be a writer? Yes but I have so many doubts about my skills that it's holding me back. I'm holding myself back. With laziness and doubt. That is very lame of me and I feel like I'm running out of time. I want to do something that matters and that pays more and that makes me feel useful and happy but I also want money. I do. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm so sick of just getting by. I want new furniture and rugs and fluffy bedding so that if I still can't sleep at least I'll be comfortable.
  • Positive Polly Conclusion = My marriage is better than ever. My friends are so much fun and so sweet. My Dad is going to be okay. My Mom's new medicine is starting to take some of her pain away. I'm going on a fun trip up North with Jason this weekend to see his family in a beautiful part of the state. I have a job when I almost didn't. It sucks but I have one. Many many many people are going through such harder times and to wallow in some minor life confusion is actually pretty selfish of me and not my style.
  • Realistic Conclusion = I can't change how I'm feeling. I can change my path and need to trust myself enough to do that. Like now-ish.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


So get this. I am on my way to winning over the new gang. It was so simple I should've thought of it sooner. I offered to do some of their work! I overheard them saying they were swamped and didn't have any help on Friday so I braced myself and turned around and said I would help with anything they needed help with.

Then one of them said "Wow. You are way nicer than (another dudes name). And you smell better."

After that I sneezed (I have a cold) and I got TWO, count 'em TWO, bless yous.

Phewww...that's a load off. Now I just have to try and add some more jaunty convo and I'm in. Sort of.

New Job/Old Job

So I'm finally back at work. In a new cube with new people. I am really weirded out by how shy I am sometimes. Once I'm not....I'm really not. But when I am new to a situation I totally clam up and/or say dumb things.
I was totally silent yesterday with my new department but I made a promise to myself to be more vocal today. Jaunty if you will. I even considered bringing an apple to attempt the dangerous, yet VERY effective Jaunty Apple Toss (patent pending) but wussed out.
Instead I sat down at my desk and then stood BACK up and said "Hey...guys.....I just saw Elliot Yamin leaving the building." silence. "From American Idol." silence. "The one with the jacked up teeth." back to work typing noises. "I didn't even watch that season but I just remember his face and all that."
I'm going to try again tomorrow.
Edited to add!!!! PROOOF!!!! http://www.myfoxchicago.com/myfox/
Meanwhile here are some cats of mine. I wish I could be home with them all day like last week. They would have really liked to hear about my Elliot Yamin sighting.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Happy Turn of Events

First off sorry for the delay. I've been enjoying my week off and trying to stay off of the compy as much as possible. Jason and I have been having a blast just relaxing and stuff. I rearranged the cat room and did dishes and cut my nails....these are the things that make me happy.

Anyway, I did, indeed, get laid off on Monday along with a TON of the company BUT a few people with pull decided they didn't want me gone for some reason and found me another job in a different dept. It's not exactly what I want to be doing BUT it's better than eating hamburger buns for dinner AND it sounds like there might be something even better up the river...down the pike....whatever that expression is. So I start on Tuesday and will sit in new area but least I have a job.

I am really really lucky. I have no idea what I did to deserve all the help because I had come to terms with leaving then WHAM! extra niceness and support from the same folks that were in charge of the lay offs. Life is odd as a cod.....or a pike.


PS - a trillion and twelve thanks to all the kind words and support and champagne (I'm looking at you Gena) and the texts and calls and emails and everything. You guys are all so very excellent. I'm very lucky to have such great friends.

Friday, August 10, 2007


So it's not happening until Monday. Wheeee!!!! A whole weekend to be nervous! I am so happy. Whatever. My cousin is in town and I can't WAIT to see her. My friends rule. I've already got some good leads on jobs. My dad is the best. My sister is going through something so much worse which I'm not saying is good but it really keeps it easy to have perspective of how good life is even when there are bumps.

Tonight I plan to drink cans of beer.


Thursday, August 09, 2007


So I'm getting laid off either today or tomorrow. I'm not supposed to know but I figured it out and then got confirmation. I should be a detective, seriously. I'm so good at Nancy Drewing shit.

The worst part is just waiting for the inevitable. My stomach is a mess and my hands are freezing and my legs are in a constant state of numbness.

I know it will all be okay and quite possibly better but starting over is daunting. Thank God for my friends and Jason. He is doing everything right. Letting me bawl and vent, hugging me a ton and saving the good leftovers for me to eat. He is really the best.

And my friends that know are soooo sweet and supportive. That is the bright side of stuff like this. An extra kick in the ass to make a change in my life and the unecessary but well timed reminder of how loved I am.

barf. I just want it over with.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I thought it was a myth...MYTH MYTH!


Anyway, so I've heard for years this poppycrap about how exercise helps you feel less stressed and assists in the coping with stress. This sounded like a total bunch of hype made up by people with lab coats who eat wheat germ and carob or whatever.

Guess what though. It's totally true. Jason and I had our first official work out at the YMCA last night and I gotta tell ya....I was stressed OUT before hand due to work BS but 45 mins on the cardio and I felt clear headed and ready to get fit. I've never felt like that before. I slept great which is REALLY new to me and I felt.....wait for it.....good about myself. I guess these hippy doctor wheat germ freaks were right on many counts.

I honestly can't wait to get back there tonight! That is so unlike me I almost feel like I've been body snatched. Whatever works.

All this time I've been trying to eat a ton less to lose weight but all along I could have been working out AND not hating it! I mean I'll keep eating less of course but I had no idea there was something out there that would get me off the ledge that fast on a stressful day. Lovely!

What else. Oh work is weird today. Good thing I'm working out afterwards!

Would you like to see a picture? Well I don't have one today. But I'll try to find something to take a picture of tonight. Just try and hang in there until then. I'm open to suggestions.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Best Weekend Ever.

For real yo. I'm way cranky today because it was just that great that today HAS to totally blow by comparison. We had such a great weekend starting on Friday all the way through last night. Friday we did some serious Guitar Hero 80's jamming at Fred's. Then Gena and Sat showed up and Sat fronched the dog.

Saturday was Jason's b-day so we had a cook-out beach party. It was a blast. Except for Tyler. He almost ruined it with his GD Popsicle antics. Just kidding. Everyone was a pleasure.

Most importantly Jason had a blast. Just watching him play washers and grill hot dogs and throw the Frisbee made my summer. That boy loves a beach cook-out more than anyone I've ever had the luck to know. He was getting ready before we left and he said "I think today calls for my World's Greatest Grandpa t-shirt!" It actually says "This Is What A Great Grandpa Looks Like" and it's MY shirt but it was his birthday so I silently decided he could just have it. Then he couldn't decide between his signature railroad hat or his new Cubs hat. I reminded him that the railroad hat was, indeed, his signature and he agreed that was the best choice.

He slays me.
Anyway, here are some pics Gena took at the party. They are better than my cell phone pics so I'm stealing them.
Here is the birthday boy looking at some corn so good it might make him cry. I swear he was smiling like a goofball right before this, because that is NOT what a great grandpa looks like.

Fred & Sat. It appears Sat is asking for more corn. Fred appears to be rejecting his request.

Tyler & Fred. Fred only makes trades with others who are wearing striped shirts.

Gena & Sat are the only smarty pants that thought to bring an umbrella. Show offs.

Then yesterday Jason and I stayed home all day and I cleaned the living hell out of my apt. It felt so good. I even washed rugs. I realize normal people do this all the time but for me it was a great accomplishment. Then we got cleaned up and went to a SUPER delicious bistro and ate super delicious food. Then we came home and enjoyed our clean new apartment and went to sleep.

Now I'm mad because of work. And because I'm a damn whippet again. That is a test to see if you really read my blog every day or not. If you do then you know how much I hate being a whippit.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Baby...Can't We Give It One More Try?

That's what my vacation pictures just asked me. They also bought me flowers (a lilly and some lilacs..how did they know??) and a box of noodles with cheese on them. How could I resist?

Okay. One last try pictures. But we are on THIN ice lovah.
Here is me at the Ritz Carlton Eno drinking wine. My teeth look a little "i vant to suck your blahhd" but other than that I am actually pleased with this picture of me for once.

Here is Jason taking a picture of the sunset with our real camera on our last night. I love this picture of him for some reason. He just looks handsome and serene.

Here is my daily view at the pool bar. Those are my toes. They matched my swimming suit. There was an adult pool and kids pool. The only difference I could tell was that there weren't horrible spoiled screaming children in the adult pool and there was a bar and a cute pool boy and free towels....other than that they were exactly the same.

And finally this is the view of the ocean from our resort. I usually spent half the day at the pool and then when Jason would get done at 3:00 we would head down to the sea and swim. I lost my sun glasses in an undertow one day but it was worth it because it made me laugh so hard I almost drowned. hahahahah...sigh....good times.

I should have some better pics from my REAL camera soon but for now this will help you feel as if I brought you along under the plane in our kitty carrier...don't worry....we tranquilized you.

Pesto Chango!

I just dumped an entire dish of pesto veggie dip on our cubicle floor. Now it smells. Like pesto. Everywhere. It feels like it's in my nose forever. AND the reason the dish was full because I hated it and was going to throw it away. I threw it away alright.....up up and away.

It's because I'm dressed up. I hardly ever wear anything except jeans and t-shirts to work but today I felt like I should wear a damn skirt for once. That'll teach me. The universe can tell when I'm out of my element and makes sure to heap on an extra helping of putzfrites and spazioli on my motor skills.

I don't know what the hell is up with my pictures not posting here but my compy has been crappy all week so who knows. They aren't even very great pictures anyway. Just some sunsets and shots of me drinking wine. Nothing we haven't all seen a million times before.

What else. OH so Jason and I joined the local YMCA! We did a hand shake eye contact pact (those are legally binding in our marriage) that we were going to get into shape together. It's a relief actually. I needed a buddy but not a girl buddy. I am too insecure to compete with my own gender. Jason and I are both fond of some light, good natured chop busting so I think this will work out (ha!) well but without ending in hurt feelings and divorce. I'm going swimming tonight for the first time (at the Y. I've swam before people. I was almost world champion of swimming and water ballet at a very young age.....don't bother looking that up.....the records were lost at sea).

Here is a picture of Fred's boy feet in my girl shoes. Shoe Trade is one of our favorite games of all time. We've been playing it for years.

CRUD! This pic won't work either! Whatever. Just picture boy feet in my sandles. It's funny. I promise.

THERE! I fixed it. Here it is. I'm sure you've been on the edge or your seat praying this all worked out.