Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Mail Call!

My nephew (pictured above from a Chicago visit last summer) is at camp all this week and each year when he goes I try to make sure to e-mail him at least once. They do a mail call each day where they bring the campers print outs of their e-mails. The future is now. I remember the kind from bags and boxes.

Anyway, I just sent him the following e-mail but after reading it again I am realizing how weird I am. His camper friends will probably ask what's wrong with me. Oh well. Too late. Anyway, the kid gets me. Always has, hopefully always will.

Hey bud!!!
How's camp? Oh can't answer so I guess I’ll just have to answer FOR you.

Me: How's camp?
You: It's really great.
Me: You doing anything extra cool this year?
You: Um..yeah...a few things I guess.
Me: Oh yeah? Like what?
You: Well yesterday we learned how to catch and kill mountain lions with our bare hands and then cook them using nothing but a torch made out of pirate bones. That was pretty cool.
Me: Anything else?
You: Oh...and tonight we are going to have a karate chopping the DEATH!
Me: That should be fun, huh?
You: Probably. Also, I broke the record for longest time log rolling. 56 hours and 23 minutes. They would just throw food at me and I'd have to try and catch it in my mouth while rolling on the log. It was kinda fun, I suppose.
Me: So the usual then.
You: Pretty much.

Aunt Me

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Work Fridge

So this is Freddy. My best friend and partner in really dumb private jokes. We frequently joke that we are actually twins but there was a mix up at the two separate hospitals we were born in or our mother's are lying to us.

Anyway, he won a fridge, or rather, was rewarded with a fridge from a company we work with. It was for getting a million leads or something. It's a tiny under the desk size fridge that has a hot AND cold setting. He is a soda junkie so he keeps it on cold.

One of the many perks of being his friend AND co-worker is that I get some real estate in this new fridge. I keep three cans of Diet Coke with lime and my snack packs. I always worry about bugging him when I ask for one of my items, but I think he sort of likes it. A few of us have stuff in there and he always seems more than happy to dole out our goods.

I just went over there for a snack pack and he was eating lunch and working at his pewter.

Me: Can I please have a pudding?
Fred: Certainly! (reaches in...grabs Diet Cola and hands it to me)
Me: No...a pudding.
Fred: OH! A pudding! Sorry about that! (hands me a pudding). You have one snack pack remaining, ma'am.
Me: Okay...thank you. (start to walk away)
Fred: That's part of the service here.

I don't know why but it cracked me up. Like he's playing food stand or something. Ma'am?'s killing me to recap.

Earlier today he took my chair away from my desk while I was in the bathroom. He does this bi-weekly. When I came back I walked right up to his desk.

Me: Dude. Where's my chair. I have work to do.
Fred: What? I have no idea...honestly. I've been working with this computer problems.
Me: Okay, sorry to bug you.

Two minutes later he instant messages me and says:
Fred: It was me who took your chair by the way. I'm just THAT good of an actor.

This is my work environment. How could I possibly complain.

PS - since we're Fredding it up. While I was writing this entry I got this instant message from Fred.

Fred says:
I want a pet chicken!!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

unfattening update

So I don't have much time....(that always makes it sound like I've been kidnapped or am on the run from the feds or something. I'm not.)

Two things related to the weight loss.

1. I realized today that I have thin calves no matter how big the rest of me It's pretty great. I take it for granted. I really do. I mean I don't have tiny calves by any means, but they have stayed pretty much the same size for years now and it's not too shabby.

2. I saw my collar bone again today. I hardly recognized her. We high fived and talked about that one night that we got drunk and tried to do a cherry drop off the monkey bars. Boy did that hurt us both. hahaha...hahaha....sigh.

So...two good things today. Slow and fatty...I mean steady wins the race.


PS - Before they trace this call......check out these two great music blogs. I'm trying to branch. out. musically.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Lily on the Hill

Yesterday was my one year anniversary at my current job so today I decided to treat myself to a real salon hair cut and style. The kind where when I come back to work everyone tells me how much better I look (which is always appreciated but feels more than a little back-handed).

But my hair is not today's news. The woman who CUT my hair is.

Lily. She had some kind of pretty and thick accent....Russian? Swedish? Icelandic? Let's just say Slavic. She was pretty quiet the whole time she was cutting and so was I (believe it or not).
There was a ton of activity in the place among the other stylists. One guy was loudly complaining that his co-worker had given him advice on HIS hair in front of a client without being asked. Another employee kept stealing everyone's towels. THEN this super made up plastic woman the kind that wears fake eyelashes EVERYday and wears those giant Chanel sunglasses as an all day headband, was singing some pop song really loudly and twice as badly.

At that point Lily giggled a tiny bit and then I knew it was safe for me to crack up more and we both started laughing hysterically.

Lily: "You much ees alwayss going on here. I sometimes just am quiet so my customer and I can enjoy the crazy, you know?"

Me: I totally agree. It's very entertaining here!

Lily: You know of Benny Heel? The comedian? The Benny Heel show, yes?

Me: Oh sure! I loved that show!

Lily: Me too. I have every....uh...what ees word...CD? no....

Me: DVD?

Lily: Ah...yes...DVD. I have them all. The entire stack (shows size of stack with her hands). He died all alone. He had a very mild heart attack, but there was no one there to help him so he died.

Me: I never knew that.....poor guy.

Lily: BUT it was beecauss he spent all his days at places just listening to everything....a bench....a bar....that's where he got his ideass for hiss shows.

That conversation coupled with another story she told me about a bitter divorcee who doesn't know what the word blonde means are the reasons she is my new stylist permanently. (hahah perm....get it?)

I love the fact that she might go home at night after cutting hair and relax with her giant stack of Benny Hill dvds. THAT's the kind of person I want cutting my hair.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I promise you....

Remember my second post ever when I said that I needed to lose weight? Well, now I REALLY need to lose weight. It all got away from me. I know not how. I mean...I do, but I'm going to pretend I don't for the indignant fun of it.

All I know is I have only lost six pounds in the past million years it seems like so, obviously, I need to kick it up a few notches. Speaking of kicks.....the bad thing is that I have, yet, another mystery injury. This time it is my left knee. I was told it was sprained, but I have no idea how or when I sprained it, which really seems to annoy people.
"What do you MEAN you don't know how you did it?" "That's crazy don't just sprain a knee and not remember how!"
Yes you do. Or I do. Or did. It just started hurting and swelling and here we are, my giant knee and I, the comedy duo of the year.

But that is KNEEther here nor there.

My point is, it is making the VERY necessary exercise I need to be doing impossible. Unless I can just move my arms around really fast while elevating and icing my knee. Will that burn calories? It's worth a try I suppose. Better than nothing and twice as funny.

Wait...what am I talking about? pledge. So I read in one of those healthy women magazines (Self? Shape? How to Unfat Yourself?) this weekend and they said that proclaiming your weight loss goals to the masses (or in my case the three people that read my blog...Hi Matty!!) ups your chances of success by some great percentage. I think it might have something to do with shame or whatever, but it's worth a shot.

Here is my pledge:

I, Mrs. CTP, being of marginally sound mind, promise to lose 40lbs. by my 32 birthday. I will do this by drinking less wine*sniffsob*, eating better (which I'm already on top of) and flailing my arms around until my knee heals to burn calories and get into shape.

I will track my goals here and hopefully at the end of the journey I will hold up a pair of humungo jeans and then surprisingly jump out from behind them in much smaller jeans with a better hair cut and a tan.

Let the obsession begin.

PS - I have no idea what that last statement means, but it sounds kind of bad ass so I'm leaving it in.