more reality tv dreams

Last night I dreamed I was on a reality show called "Can you do it?". My challenge was to vacuum these carpeted ledges. Guess what. I was awesome at it. So I guess I COULD DO IT!

In real life I don't vacuum enough...really at all. Maybe that dream was a sign I need to start.

God, even my dreams have low expectations of me.

The Swim Team

Dream from last night.

It started out that typical dream everyone has where I was BACK in college and had forgotten to attend a class for a whole semester so I was flunking. EXCEPT this time instead of Western Religion or Geology it was Jogging Class.

I had my report card in hand and had all A's and B's (just like college! uh right.) and I was pleading with this archetype of a phys ed teacher. She actually looked a lot like Dee from Shear Genius but less friendly (not that I watch that show...I really don't....well once and I hated it.).

Anyway I begged and begged her to let me pass but she said not only did I have to take Jogging over but I had two more semesters of it if I wanted to graduate. I started crying and telling her how much I hated jogging and how I was a really good swimmer and could I PLEASE just swim instead?

Finally she gave in and said "Alright. You can swim. BUT I'm going to put you with toughest swim coach of you life." (which wouldn't be hard since I've never had a swim coach. Water ballet coaches, yes, but I learned to swim naturally at like birth or something cool.

TURNS out she had put me on a reality show called Swim Team! and a bunch of us had/got to stay in this rich gay swim coach's house. He was tough but also caring. Nicer than Gordon Ramsey but not quite as nurturing as Tim Gunn.

My friend Erica was there too (hi Erica!) so I was pretty happy. I kept thinking how much I loved swimming and that four hours of it a day was no big thing to me and that really it might relax me a little.

We all ate together at a big fancy table and slept in a cute screened in porch on little beds. In the morning "coach" started banging on a wall to wake us up and then there was an announcement over a loud speaker that said "Swim Team! You need to awake post haste! It's raining!" and we looked outside and it was pouring into our rooms so we zipped our beds into a tent thingy.

Then one of the girls was being interviewed and she said "Erica is cool but she always wakes up with eyes only for her husband."

Then I woke up to Jason putting his whole hand on my face very gently just for one second in his sleep. I said "thank you!" and that was that.

don't fret

I'm alive. Just really busy at work. AND my stupid camera on my phone isn't working. Well it's working like it takes pics but I can't get them to send! It's a'makin me so a'mad! I have pictures from 4th of July and of my cat and of a dinner and alas!!!!! I can't get them on here.

So for now just be satisfied with an this. Remember that time the street by my apartment collapsed? Me neither.

Love,

Crescent.

Cashew Toss

I dropped another one down my top.

Love,
Crescent

From the depths.

Do you ever go to take a bite of a sandwich and you throat makes a weird sound? It's not a burp but it's not NOT a burp either. A throat burp I guess. A thurp? A broat?

Anyway that just happened because my Subway brand sandwich was made poorly. I think my sandwich artist needs to go back to the Sandwich Art Academy for a few more semesters. Anyway I had to open my mouth wider than usual to get a bite and my throat went "Arrrrrp?" It sounded like a question. The girl next to me actually said "what was that??".

"My throat. Sorry." I replied.

Anyway, when that happens to other people and I get to hear boy does it make me laugh. A few years ago at our friends parents vacay house Jason and I were lying in bed talking about how quiet it was and just as we stopped talking his throat did that. I thought I was never going to be able to stop laughing.

It ALSO happened to my friend Deanna in 8th grade or so. It was a slumber party at her house and all of us were playing "let's hypnotize each other!" We played that game all the time in those days. Anyway, Deanna was sitting on my lap while we watched our friend pretend to be "under" (we all faked it and said scary things and we all pretended to really believe it..that's what made it fun) and Deanna turned to whisper something to me and "guuuuurrrrrrrglllee????" came out. We got yelled at by the hypnotizer and the hypnotizee for laughing too loudly.

Also my sister Kendra thinks this is as funny as I do. We both kind of live for it. But not when it happens to me at work. It makes me feel like a pig.

And finally here is the answer to a question no one asked:

Other things that make me laugh hysterically

hats flying off of heads (I can't even TYPE that without laughing)
spoonerisms
things being thrown but then sticking abruptly to a wall or person or something.

Happy Friday!

sigh

Vacation is over. It was so much fun. Now I have a chest cold and my compy crashed at work.

Love,
Crescent

PS - Pics of the trip to come next week.