Worse Than Cupcakes.

Please don’t have hurt feelings by what I’m about to say. It’s just one whoa man’s opinion. I want to punch that new Sarah Jessica Parker movie in the face. With my fist. And possibly also kick it with my foot. Or maybe even kangaroo that shiz with both feet. What’s it called again? How Can It Be That She Does Many Things?? Or What The Shit? She Has a Family and A Job?!!! Now I’ve Seen EVERYthing! or Bow Down to This Rich White Lady That Makes Much Money Doing Something She Loves and Is Married to Greg Kinnear and Had Babies?

I can’t be bothered to look it up. Whatever it’s called I want to throttle it. She is the ONLY one that manages this life, everyone. Don’t mind the moms that have more than 2.5 kids, a couple of manual labor jobs that pay crap, at least one mortgage and dear lord still manage to be sweet humans that function normally in society without falling on beds sobbing in their Prada dresses. OR how about the dads that work their butts off and manage to still make time for and love their children and wife!??? UNHEARD OF!

I will never watch this movie but let me ESP five things that will happen:

1. A seedy boss will put the moves on her 9 to 5 style but without the charm of that little gem of a film. In fact I think Dabney Coleman is actually IN this movie too! For shame Dab, for shame. You are better than that, sir.

2. All the kids will be totally ill mannered little spoiled jerks but it will be okay because they are just “acting out” because mom is trying to have it all and sometimes forgets to feed them steaks and shrimp while buying them tickets to the teen pop star, Jordan Buster concert (they won’t pay for the rights to use Justin Beiber’s name, cheapskates).

3. Also, hold the phone….doesn’t Greg Kinnear’s character have a job too? Even if he’s stay home dad that’s a pretty intense job as well! Why isn’t it called How Do THEY Do It? Huh? Okay that wasn’t a prediction. I just got mad again.

4. Cupcakes will be mentioned or baked or eaten with zeal.

5. A hotter and younger girl will threaten SJP at work. Not like with a knife or gun, I mean with her youth and energy and fat free gams.

6. Bonus: Pilates will be mentioned or shown. Those obese fatties in the cast better WURK to lose that .2 ounce of fat they have on their skeletons.

While we are at it…how do I do it? I mean come on! Full time job pulling in five figures, an 18 year old (cat) still living at home who pees on the floor sometimes, a really full DVR, noodles that aren’t going to Marge themselves and a husband who rules. How do I do it, you guys? I don’t know and neither do you, but SJP has it the hardest so don’t even bother trying to solve this mystery of the ages.



Editor’s Note: Dabney Coleman isn’t in this movie thank God. I had to look it up if I wanted to get a mere WINK of sleep tonight.