Meditations on Reinvention

This is an opportunity for reinvention. I keep picturing being bald and trying to see it like being a baby or an alien. A new birth as opposed to a sick person. I try and visualize the meds being a power cleanse of my everything. I want to come out of this squeaky clean inside and go head first towards, what I think is my calling, helping people in these very same situations. I want to see my health as a power and treasure and feed it as such. I want to find a love of physical motion. I want to explore my spiritual side and use it as part of the healing process. I want to find a way to thank everyone I know. I want to rearrange the way I view family for me and Jason and welcome that new vision with open arms and heart. But mostly I want to be well and find strength in the fact that I will have, literally, faced my greatest fear. Cancer. Cancer in others and in myself. Then find a way to ease the fear for someone else. Because the fear is the worst part. The unknown. I am going to know it and drain it of every possible lesson and wealth it has to offer and leave the rest behind me in a blaze.

PS - I plan to use my new Flip to document a lot of this process. Might be a huge mistake. I don't care. I want to so I'm gonna. I would give anything to to have that to watch now to ease my fear but I don't so I'll just create it. For myself, for someone else, for no one. I just want it on file.