Friday, December 04, 2009

the waiting game

So my test results from the "onc test" are postponed until the 15th. So still no word on how my follow up treatments will go. BUT feeling great. One thing that I have to get used to is that PMS will just be a total nightmare until this is all over. It was already not my finest hour but with all this cancer jazz it's like some sort of After School Special for about 3 days a month. This month I found myself in the shower sobbing for about 20 minutes because my surgeon doesn't need to see me now for three months. Should be great right? (Dr. Growney, for anyone that, God forbid, needs breast surgery...GO TO HER).

It's just that she is the one that told me the news. That stopped talking when I started bawling in her office and offered me tissues and said "I'm your age. I don't know how you've held it together this long.". The one that held my hand and said "I wish I could tell you what I'd do if I were you but I just don't know." The one that showed up in pre-op and didn't ask why I was crying.....just said "I know...it's a scary day but we will take care of you". And she did. She did such a good job on my breasts. The amount of tissue they took out was....well.....a ton....and she took the time to make sure I still had symmetry and balance. She is the one that made sure I had better pain meds and kept me out of work an extra week because she wanted me to be at my best. I just love her. I really do. I mean it. I LOVE her. How funny is that. Basically she is stranger but I will never forget her and will always be so thankful that the original surgeon was called out the day of our first meeting. She was the one that was supposed to be there for me and she was. I'm toying with sending her a fruit basket or something. Maybe just a card is better. Who knows. All I know is that I miss her already.

THEN I got sad that I have all these cuts on my torso. I've been fine with it but PMS got me and said "Hey....Cres.....So now not only do you have a foot long scar from your car accident down your middle but you also have a 4 inch scar on your left breat and a 2 inch scare on your arm pit".

THEN PMS told me that I better brace myself because this journey is LONG from over. It said "so your surgery is done. big deal. You still have that weird thyroid problem they found that has NOTHING to do with your surgery that will require MORE surgery. You still have radiation.....and maybe chemo.....and five years of hormone therapy and fertility treatments.......long road my friend....long road."

Stupid PMS voice. She has a bad attitude and a terrible personality.

BUT it's passed. I feel myself again and don't feel upset that I had a day or two of "poor me". Whatever. That's normal and healthy and purges some of the emotional toxins I imagine.

Bottom line: My arm is so much better. Back to work Monday. Love Jason. Love my family and friends. Life is good.

Something funny.....OH! this is a good one. My very dear friend, Deanna, that I've known since 4th grade sent me a care package a few weeks ago. I cut the box open and instantly knew what it was by smell. When we were kids we used to play record store at her house in the basement. The store was called "Rapid Records" and we had boyfriends and drama and all sorts of fun stuff. Anyway, these sessions were usually during sleepovers and our fuel of choice was Bugles and watermelon bubble gum. And Skor candy bars but she just sent the gum and a giant bag of Bugles. Of course I bawled when I saw what she had sent and read the card that said "I can't think of any problem that Bugles and watermelon bubble gum can't solve." Amen sister.

Anyway, that night I broke open the Bugles bag during a game night with friends. Jason sat in our black chair munching away and said "Man. Bugles. Remember these? Huh. I wonder if they still make them?"

Answer: Yes Jason they do. And you are eating them currently. We laughed muchly.

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