Sensativo

(this picture slays me because you KNOW that kitten is thinking about having that duckling for brunch, but it LOOKS so gentle.)

I am such a raw nerve lately and for no good reason at all! I think it is a combo of a few things....none of which are major.

• Heat...I'm kind of ready for fall. It's my favorite season and I look much better in sweaters and boots than t-shirts and sandals.
• Fatness....If I don't start exercising every day nothing is going to change for me. I hate that this is true, but it just is.
• Lack of Direction.....Am I really going to be an admin. as my career? Really? I think I need to rethink that and face some fears that I have about things that I truly want. Children, money and things (sorry, but it's just how I feel), a graduate degree, a job that matters to me that involves writing. Sometimes I think I'm really missing my boat and should be teaching. It's in my blood as is writing. I come from a long line of amazing teachers.
• Homesickness....I feel weirdly disconnected from my parents right now and I don't think I am, I think I just need to plan a nice long weekend at my parents house soon.

I had one of those days where those bullet points had me dragged so far down that the fact that the dept. lunch I had planned wasn't perfect (an hour early and chicken SANDWICHES instead of fried chicken) made me actually have to fight back tears at my desk. But in usual life fashion by the time the lunch was over I had a happy/full dept., a ticket to a Cubs game with some co-workers for next week, an amazingly sweet and supportive e-mail from my husband and fun plans for after work tonight with my friend Tim.

I have so many beautiful people in my life and so much going for me. I need to remember that and take charge of those things that I can change and just change them already! That bothers me about myself, but I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to letting your own self be the worst road block. That syntax is wayyy off in the preceding sentence, but I care not.

I'm having one of those sneeze attacks right now that won't stop but also makes me laugh so hard that I feel like the combo may kill me. I'm giving the "bless you!" guy who sits next to me a run for his money.