Jason.

Ahhhh Jason. There has to be a word for loving someone as much as I love him but I just can't find it. We had the MRI today and the blood work. Incidentally, they were playing Thriller in the blood lab. What? Yes. It's true.

Anyway, twice today J and I have talked about the real deal. The mastectomy. First I should say that I was worried that Jason would shut down during this journey. That he would just go into "guy mode" and get me where I need to be and say as little as possible. The opposite has ended up being true. He has talked and talked about his feelings. He has cried with me. Made me laugh. Made me think and loved me in a way that takes away a single doubt about true love. Dramatic? Yes. True? You know it.

We just had an hour talk about everything and about five times he said "You know all I care about is you being better, right?" and I said "Of course. But my vanity and sense of being a woman is killing me with the decision making." He said "I know. But you will always be who you are and that is all I love.".

Then we talked about how lovely really loving someone is. And it is. I know a lot of you have that with a partner but I also know a lot of you have that with friendship. It sounds SO over the top but that's really all that matters. Just love as much as you can and be loved. It is like the best medicine the universe has to offer.

Today was fine. Something weird happened in the MRI with the saline in my I.V. where I was certain I was gonna barf all over the MRI machine but I got it together. Then I had some blood work in the Micheal Jackson Memorial Blood Lab and then got some nuts and iced tea and in a weird way felt like a million bucks. Another thing off my list. Step by step this will be okay.

Okay time for bed. I just promised myself I'd blog every day until this is okay again.

Love to all that have sent gifts and notes and comments on here. You are all outstanding people. Love love love to all.

Nigh nigh,

Crescent


PS - I was just asking Jason for a funny end to this entry and said "J. Didn't we make a funny cancer joke today?" and he replied, in his classic Jason voice...."I would NEVER make a cancer joke, dude."

Lies. He's still hoping Make A Wish will call and get us a new TV. LIES!