Wednesday, October 28, 2009

dreams and quotes and things I don't want to forget.

I had a horrible dream last night that Jason and I were spooned next to each other on a metal table in a dark store front at night. It was my surgery day and this doctor I didn't know came in and said "it turns out we are dealing with something MUCH bigger than we thought". Just the way she said made me wake up with chills and tears. I woke Jason up with my reaction and told him the dream and he simply said (in classic Jason high/silly/reassuring voice), "don't dream that Crescent." That was all I needed to hear for some reason. I fell right back to sleep and had great dreams the rest of the night.

Just wanted to remember that.

Still waiting for the surgery date but it will for sure be the week of the 9th. Although that is conflicting with a procedure my poor mom needs to have done too so I'm feeling a little anxious about making all that work. I would be totally understanding if she can't be here for this but it will break her heart. So we are working all that out. All of sudden I am thinking of all these things that need doing. Hotels for family. Forms for leave at work. Hiring a temp and then training them. Getting my work stuff all pulled together in general. Buying weird surgery bras. It's a lot.

Some of my favorite moments of this whole thing has been the emails from my family. Here are some of my favorite excerpts in and out of context.

Kendra in reply all to my family email I sent today: "And can I get a YYYAAAAHHHHOOOO for all of the good fortune coming our way! Next on the agenda, I win the lottery. And everyone will prosper. When this happens, I will be buying new robes and boob pillows for EVERYONE!!!!"

Mom: "No shit, Sherlock. Calvin and I just lay in the bed, saying nothing, just holding hands. I have never been so stressed except for your accident. Oh, and you just get your hair done, Little Missy, and I will see what I think about it. Love, love, love, Momma"

Jacy after hearing that my blood levels may have shown cancer spread: "I guess this is what they mean when they say the diagnosis and treatment journey is a roller coaster."

My dad has said many great things but mostly via phone. My favorite so far was when I called him yesterday to tell him there was no spread. I couldn't get it together but squeaked out "all clear daddy" and then lost it. He said "All clear? Are these tears of joy? Or is there a but coming?" with total ALMOST relief but a tinge of panic in his voice and I laughed and said "No butts coming dad." and he held the phone away to tell my mom and said "All clear! No butts!"

Favorite Jason moment is hard to pick. He has said some hilarious things. Some profound things. Some heartbreaking things. And, like a magic trick, has known exactly when to not say a single thing.

I guess the best was Monday when he was driving me home and I made the mistake of telling him about the guy in the waiting room that told me not to use my cell phone. He was THIS close to turning the car around and finding him and doing god only knows what he was so angry.

Then I told him about the old black guy and what he said about "we do what we gotta do to stay well" and of course started crying. I cry a lot lately for good reasons mostly it seems. And Jason put his hand on my knee and said "God dammit Crescent. You always do that. Restoring my faith in humanity....dammit."

OH and my dad just sent an email that FOR SURE has his best quote so far. It was in reply to a family email I had sent out about what all I need for surgery and Kendra's earlier quote. And me misspelling "circumstances". My dad LOVES my typos and misspellings. Always has. I once put a sign on my door as a pre-teen that said "Please konck before entering". That was his favorite. Anyway....here it is.

Dad: "C., done deal on stuff needs. K, ,lottery is a great idea. Wonder why more people don't have it? Here is a toast to good fortune and blessings and to weird circumstandes or circumfloppies."


I have lots of great ones from friends that I will post soon too.

Love,
Crescent

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Cres. Only you can have me crying in one paragraph and laughing in the next. Love you so much sweetie.
Heather

Marcy Dockery said...

Crescent,

I love your blog...you are the most incredible woman and your writing is hilarious and heartbreaking. Keep it up, girl!
Marcy