Yeah yeah.....my blog is pink now...

....so lame. I feel like a lemming. BUT it just seems the right thing to do until the storm passes.

Revelation of the moment. I was thinking about the second to worst case scenario last night, which still involves me living and breathing and having a long life. Bi-lateral mastectomy and chemo. I'm terrified of those two things but will do what I have to do. Obviously most of that is vanity. I don't want to lose my boobs and hair. At all. Who does? No one. That's who. BUT it washed over me while I was on my walk home from the train that no matter what, my inside REAL self is solid. I like who I am and how I feel inside pretty much all the time these days and nothing can shake that. In fact I can almost feel that me getting stronger and more aware as I move through this experience. Thank god. I can't imagine being worried about the tertiary as well as my spirit guts. My core is happy and peaceful and is loved and loves. My hair will grow back and I'll just get a set of circa 1998 C cups and call it a day. I mean I realize it's harder than that but knowing that those who love me love ME while facing all these ugly possibilities just makes me want to be the best person I can be forever. I can do that without hair or boobs for a few months.

That being said, (I hate that expression) I still am doing my nightly mantra of "lumpectomy, radiation, hormone therapy.....no reoccurring anything". I say that 5 times before falling asleep. That may not be the healthiest but I'm just one man for god's sake!


Now on to more important things. I've had a lot of calls, letters, emails, Twits asking.....


"Hey crescent. Long time/First time. Sorry to hear you have cancer and all that but what we REALLY need to know is how Calaban is handling all this trauma in the home?"



A: He's a wreck. Can't eat....can't sleep....worried sick.

I mean look at that torment on his face!!!! First he loses his job, then he falls off the wagon and now THIS! We are screening therapists in the Hamptons this weekend.