The Why (M...C...A..)

I took last night home alone to do some crying and sleeping and Project Runway watching and thinking. It helped a lot I think. I woke up today and feel like I understand why this is happening more clearly.

I haven't lived a healthy life for years and years. Not like John Goodman unhealthy, but never really paying attention to what I eat or drink or don't do. I was very healthy as a teen and even early college but then just threw all that out the window in the spirit of "living in the NOW dude". Not saying I did this BC thing to myself but nothing shocks you into reality about your body faster than "you have cancer". I keep having these waves of feeling really sorry for myself but I found today that when I focus on what changes I'm making to my health I feel better instantly. It's a positive to focus on that has nothing but good results. For the first time it doesn't feel like "oh crap. I guess I should get healthy and lose weight....sigh" it's more like "this is it. go. do this now." Plus I need to be strong in body and in spirit for this journey ahead.

I like it. It's being forced on me by the universe or fate or whatever, yes, but I'll take it. It's time.


Okay....hmmmm....something funny now.....

OH! This is a good one. I accidentally blew a kiss to a vendor as she left today! I was on the phone with my dad talking insurance and recovery and water heaters and what not and she left a card on my desk and started waving and for some reason I blew her a kiss. I was so embarrassed but then....SHE BLEW ONE BACK! It was so funny. It all happened so fast.